I've been feeling really weird now for a little while. Its a familiar kind of weird but I couldn't really put my finger on it until just now.
I realised that I am feeling lost. I am feeling like my identity has been taken away. This is EXACTLY how I felt during maternity leave and whilst I was struggling with my post natal mental ill health.
Although I am doing well mentally now, I still can't shake the feeling of being trapped, of having all my options taken away from me and the feeling that the world is passing me by again. This lockdown season has been really hard for me. Trying to work and do 85% of the childcare is exhausting. I am mentally tired. I'm unmotivated and I feel stuck. If this carries on for much longer, my mental health will certainly suffer.
A couple of weeks ago, I started an online coaching programme to try to find out what exactly was the matter with me, and how can I figure out how I can feel better in this situation. It only took a couple of videos and I realised that there isn't anything WRONG with me. More importantly, I realised that if I want to do something or to achieve my goals, then ultimately I need to just get on and do it. I'm the only person standing in my own way.
I feels pretty scary to me to declare "This is what I want!" as that is pretty much the opposite of who I am. I sit, and I wait. Sometimes I ask for something, and when the answer is no, I usually just accept it albeit, feeling disappointed. I am so tired of feeling this way. I am so tired of letting myself feel this way.
So thanks to Soul Sisters Coaching, I have found the strength to find the course I want to study. AND I JUST SENT THE ENROLLMENT FORM. This is a huge step for me, as it is setting me up on the path to achieving my goals!